Divorce is a popular subject this week after Bill and Melinda Gates announced they were ending their 27-year marriage. And according to therapist Tess Brigham, over a long marriage like that, tension can build up in one of three main relationship categories she calls the “three I’s” - incompatibility, infidelity and irreconcilable differences. This is how the three I’s can affect marriages, according to therapists and attorneys.
● Incompatibility - Couples who don’t see eye to eye on living, spending and romantic habits may resent each other over time, but Brigham says the most common incompatibilities that lead to divorce are politics and religion. Marilyn Chinitz, Tom Cruise’s divorce attorney disagrees and says, “For most people, money is the number one reason why people get divorced.” Having different opinions doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker, but not being able to compromise and talk about those differences might be for some couples.
● Infidelity - Cheating is a huge problem because it can permanently break trust and attorney Kari Lichtenstein names infidelity as one of the main reasons people file for divorce.
● Irreconcilable differences - Of course people grow and change during the course of their marriage, but Brigham says the difference between a successful marriage and a failing one is whether partners grow together or apart. A couple may split early in their marriage if they have different ideas on having kids and how to raise them, or their irreconcilable differences may not show up until later on. “Even if a couple makes it through their child-raising years, when faced with an empty nest they can easily get to the point where the Gateses found themselves,” explains attorney Michael Stutman, “where the relationship has run its course and they want something more.”
HT: The INSIDER