♈ Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You can win any argument by sheer volume and audacity alone. Your petty superpower is making people second-guess their own memories. Like—were they wrong? Or are you just that convincing? Chaos is your cardio.
♉ Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Your petty superpower is blocking people mid-convo, mid-sentence, mid-life. And sleeping like a baby after. You’ll ghost, unfollow, and delete with the precision of a NASA engineer. Cold, comfy, and unbothered.
♊ Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
You can start drama, deny it, then narrate the whole situation like a podcast host. Your petty superpower? Spinning chaos so well people actually thank you for it. You ARE the source, and you’ll never admit it.
♋ Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Your tears have the power to shut down any confrontation. Your petty superpower is emotional manipulation… but like, make it cute. People leave arguments comforting you, even if you threw the first punch.
♌ Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Your petty superpower is remembering what everyone was wearing during every fight and holding it against them. "You betrayed me... in a Forever 21 top." Iconic. You keep receipts—in HD, with timestamps.
♍ Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You can clock someone’s weakness in 0.3 seconds and weaponize it like a savage. Your petty superpower is passive-aggressive to-do lists, strategic silence, and a “just checking in” text that ruins someone’s whole mood.
♎ Libra (September 23 – October 22)
You will destroy someone’s soul with a compliment. “No no, I love that you’re not afraid to dress for comfort.” Your petty superpower is being so fake-nice, it takes people three hours to realize you just bodied them.
♏ Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Your petty superpower is plotting… and waiting. You’ll sit on betrayal like it’s fine, then strike in a group chat six months later with a full dossier. No one’s safe. You are the petty Avengers.
♐ Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
You will out-petty someone by LIVING. Your superpower is moving on violently fast and posting about your new life like the last one never happened. It’s not revenge—it’s an aesthetic upgrade.
♑ Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
You will succeed just to spite people. Your petty superpower is leveling up specifically so your enemies have to watch. You don’t clap back—you get promoted, move cities, and cut them from your holiday card list.
♒ Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Your petty superpower is unfollowing someone but still watching their stories from a burner account while journaling about your emotional detachment. You're the CEO of “not mad, just observing.”
♓ Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
You’ll cry while dragging someone, and somehow they’ll still feel like the villain. Your petty superpower is poetic vengeance. You’ll write a sad song, post a cryptic quote, and block them on everything except Venmo.