♈ Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19): Pick a fight in the group chat over absolutely nothing, just because you’re bored. You love the drama and everyone knows it.
♉ Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20): Drop $40 on snacks you don’t need, just because comfort is your sanctuary today. If you can’t eat it or nap with it, what’s the point?
♊ Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20): Spill tea that’s not even yours, just because silence makes you itchy. You’ll deny it later, but just know that we all know.
♋ Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 22): Rewatch an old show and cry at the same episode again, just because it feels safe. Nobody thrives in nostalgia like you.
♌ Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22): Post a selfie so good it could end careers, just because your likes dipped below your standards. You are the algorithm.
♍ Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22): Clean something that wasn’t even dirty, just because it calms your brain. Honestly, you’d Lysol the air if you could.
♎ Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22): Text two people at once like it’s a reality show love triangle, just because you live for the chaos of attention. It’s giving “main character.”
♏ Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21): Leave someone on delivered until tomorrow, just because you like having the upper hand. Toxic? Maybe. Effective? Absolutely.
♐ Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21): Book a last-minute trip or at least Google flights you’ll never take, just because you can’t sit still. FOMO is basically your love language.
♑ Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19): Check your bank account and still buy something reckless, just because you earned it. It’s not “impulse shopping” if you call it an investment.
♒ Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18): Post something so cryptic nobody knows if it’s a joke or a manifesto, just because you love being misunderstood. Chaos is your brand.
♓ Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20): Listen to sad music on full blast like your life is a movie, just because the weather is weird and you love main-character energy.