♈ Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

Before coffee: Impatient, stomping through the kitchen like it's a battlefield, side-eyeing anyone who breathes too loud.

After coffee: Suddenly planning a spontaneous road trip, already yelling “LET’S DO THIS” to a text no one has sent yet.

♉ Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20)

Before coffee: A cozy but grumpy blanket burrito who wants to stay in bed and pretend life doesn’t exist.

After coffee: Calm, collected, and fully prepared to romanticize their to-do list like it’s a spa day.

♊ Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20)

Before coffee: Half-asleep but still somehow sending chaotic texts with too many exclamation points.

After coffee: Talking nonstop, already deep in three side quests and two conspiracy theories before 9am.

♋ Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 22)

Before coffee: Quiet, moody, and wondering if anyone even cares that they're awake.

After coffee: Crying at a sunrise, journaling about healing, and sending “just checking in” texts to 12 people.

♌ Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

Before coffee: Refuses to be perceived. Sunglasses on indoors.

After coffee: Full glam, playlist on max, suddenly vlogging their life to a nonexistent audience. It’s giving caffeinated icon.

♍ Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

Before coffee: Already mentally reorganizing their entire day but annoyed that their body won’t catch up.

After coffee: Speed-cleaned the kitchen, sent three reminder emails, and color-coded their trauma.

♎ Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

Before coffee: Debating if today’s even worth doing and you might get caught in an outfit spiral.

After coffee: They’ve curated a perfect morning playlist, changed outfits four times, and flirted with their barista.

♏ Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Before coffee: Staring at the wall plotting revenge for something they dreamed about.

After coffee: Smooth, mysterious, and already texting “what are you doing today?” like it’s not a trap.

♐ Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Before coffee: Forgetful, accidentally put body wash in their hair, and already left their phone in the fridge.

After coffee: Suddenly booking a flight to a random city. Says “let’s just see what happens” and actually means it.

♑ Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

Before coffee: Awake, yes. Functioning? Barely. Don’t talk to them yet.

After coffee: Already accomplished three tasks, sent a spreadsheet, and shamed everyone else for not grinding.

♒ Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Before coffee: Spaced out, staring into the void, possibly inventing a new language in their head.

After coffee: Fully unhinged genius mode. Pitching wild ideas no one asked for — and somehow they work.

♓ Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

Before coffee: Half-dreaming, emotionally unavailable, wandering the kitchen like a ghost with soft girl vibes.

After coffee: Suddenly inspired, playlist on shuffle, creating art or deep-diving into astrology TikToks.

Johnjay And Rich